I started modeling when I was 15. When I signed with my first agency, I truly believed that they were going to help me achieve my dreams and nurture every step of my career. It was only shortly after signing, did I realize the people I had entrusted my goals and dreams to, really had no interest in helping me. I spent 3 years under that contract doing everything I could to get their attention. I wanted nothing more than to be taken seriously. I went from having shoulder length red hair to long blonde hair because they said it was more marketable. I spent two hours a day on cardio equipment trying to lose inches from my 34-inch hip because they said I still looked large in photos. The worst part was that I chose to believe them.
When I look back at that time in my life, I realized I had almost no self-confidence. Any self-esteem that I did have was solely based upon the validation of others. The reason I started this blog is because I’ve made a lot of mistakes along my journey and with those mistakes I have learned so much. Whether you want to be a model, a lawyer, or a neuroscientist: you can be intelligent, business savvy, have a beautiful body, be healthy and strong, and confident but all of that begins with YOU and your perception of yourself. I’m not the prettiest girl, I’m not the skinniest model, and by no means am I perfect. I never will be. What I do know is how to take care of myself and feel confident in my own skin. I want to share the things I’ve learned through my experiences.
I’ve had to build myself back up from a place where my former agents laughed at my body while they were taking swim polaroids for their website. I’ve had to realize that a scar from a life-saving skin surgery makes me lucky to be alive not “unmarketable to clients.” I’ve learned that self-respect and confidence is an inside job. It might take awhile to find it, but when you do, you have to hold on to it and fiercely protect it.
I read this quote about a year ago that said, “Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” I’m now placed with an agency that I love. I’m respected and cared for in a way I could’ve only dreamed about a few years ago. I’m not here to say that I got my happy ending because I know that on the road of life there will always be bumps and stops along the way. What I am saying is that I had to fight for that new beginning. I spent a lot of time soul searching, thinking, and shedding a lot of tears. I had to let go of limiting thoughts and a whole helluva lot of negativity that was consuming my life. It was tough but so worth it.
To anyone reading this: may you know your value and your worth. You deserve the utmost respect and happiness in your life. You are capable, beautiful, irreplaceable, and invincible and I’m so glad that you’re on my website reading this today.